Network Anchor Climaxes During "100 Days of Obama" Celebration

Loses control 3 minutes into 5 hour-long broadcast. FCC considers fine (Page 8)


Award-winning journalist and author Chris Matthews ejaculates on-camera.

Cosmetic Surgery Craze Forces Updates to Wax Museum Inventories

Museum curators replacing outdated figures with less lifelike versions (Page 4D)


(Left) Fresh from the mold: "Wayne Newton", on display at the world famous Madame Tussauds Wax Museum in London. (Right) The real Wayne Newton performing in Las Vegas.

"Rock of Love" Reject Returns To Meramec

"I Thought He Was A Tool..And Told Him So"

By David St. David

Mary Gugini of Shrewsbury had a dream of rock and roll stardom but soon discovered that her dream had become a real nightmare. Gugini, 23, a 4th year student in the general studies associate degree program at Meramec Community College in Kirkwood, was recently voted off the VH-1 reality series "Brett Michael's Rock of Love" due to what she termed "political bullshit."

"I wouldn't sleep with him," she says. "I couldn't, I mean look at him. He's as old as my Father!" She remembers, "And those awful plugs, why do you think he wears that ridiculous bandana?." "I told him I thought it made him look like a tool and lo and behold, I was off the show," she fumes. "That little bitch Christie, the one with the tatoos sold me out. She was supposed to tell Brett that I should stay on the show but instead ended up sleeping with him and his drum roadie....whore!"

Asked for a reaction to Gugini's claims, a representative of VH-1 commented to the Examiner, "I can't comment on any claims made however I can say that Mr. Michael's hair is all his own."

For her sake, Gugini wants to put the experience behind her. "I'll probably end up back at Meramec next semester, " she says with a wistful grin. "I only need eight credit hours to get my associate degree and I bet with all of this publicity that Kohls would hire me back in a second."

Brawl at Express Checkout Leaves Two Dead

Muttered accusation of item limit violation may have prompted attack


The self-scan station at Schuncks in Webster Groves where a 67-year-old man was strangled to death. The assailant, 51-year-old Judith Caldwell, was shot dead by store security. Police records indicate Caldwell was attempting to purchase 14 items; two over express checkout's limit of 12.

Perez Not the First to Call Contestant "Cunt"

In fact, it's almost a tradition among beauty pageant judges, dating back to the early '60s


Lloyd Bridges smirks after calling Miss Georgia a "cunt" during the interview segment of the 1983 Miss USA pageant.

Ex-KSDK Dragon Lady Karen Foss Finds Ice Queen Image Hard to Shake

Foss unconvincing as "friendly, middle-aged housewife next door" in latest Ameren ad, despite cozy kitchen backdrop and tired coffee mug cliche'. Page 2B. (Update: Minutes ago, STL Examiner was contacted about this article by Ameren's general counsel as well as Foss's personal attorney. Both were told, in no uncertain terms, to fuck off. Please watch for our upcoming exposé on how the arrival of hi-def forced Karen into early retirment).

Ballwin Man Skips Cardinal Home Opener for 25th Consecutive Year

Shuns Cardinal Nation, Sunday Night Sports Extra
Page 3D.

Judge Declares Mistrial in Waxman Paternity Suit

Cites misconduct by both parties

"Think 'Traveling freak show visits mental ward'. I'd lost control of the proceedings before the first witness was even called. The throwing of feces was simply the final act in a week of despicable behavior." - Judge Cormac Carpley



(L) Defendant Henry Waxman (D - CA) and Batboy, son of plaintiff Susan Griggs

Saturday Night Retro Party - Vol. 1

To start off....

This was a good look for Rundgren, I think. Not sure why he abandoned it, or why the whole Man-As-Bird thing never caught on.




Afternoon Delight! I absolutely LOVED this song growing up. Brings back many fond memories (although I never realized there was a minority in the group. what's up with that!? kind of ruined it for me :-(





And, of course, everyone's favorite...