Area Man Fails to Conceal Disdain for Office Chatterbox

C'mon, who does he think he's fooling with that Poker Face? Whenever I talk to him he just stares blankly at me, not blinking, trying - straining - to keep his feelings in check. I must say, very stoic. Admirable, even. He'll fail, though. They all do. He's not being true to himself. The facial tics get more pronounced with each passing week and it's just a matter of time before he blows up at me and gets fired. Just watch. - Cathy Barwell, Human Resources, Benadinze Corp., O'Fallon, IL

Jesus she's annoying. Constantly sauntering from cube to cube, making early-morning small talk with "the girls." Offering donuts and anecdotes. Giggling her annoying little giggle. Tee-hee. I feel like punching her in the stomach every time she opens her fat mouth. Or just telling her to shut the fuck up. But I can't. I want to keep my job. - Bob Blanchard, Accounting, Benadinze Corp., O'Fallon, IL.

Slut Walk organizers encouraged by strong community support

Slut Car Wash to be held Saturday (Page 5B)

The support we're seeing at our rallies, - particularly from men - has been awesome. In fact, I'd say the crowds lining the walk route are typically 90% male. Totally unexpected given this is a quote-unquote "womens' issue." It really restores your faith in people. - Debbie Sinclaire, Slut Walk(TM) chairperson

 

Demand for Life Coaches Soars as Economy Falters

No marketable skills? No problem!

"...And right now, I want YOU to give YOURSELVES a BIG round of APPLAUSE! C'MON! LET'S HEAR IT!! YEAHHHH!!! You DESERVE it!!!!" - James Sweetman, an unemployed sheet metal worker who lives with his parents in Fenton, dispenses boilerplate Life Advice (TM) at Flo Valley Community College.

Meet the Writers!!!

Nat Trib writers Edward Daniels and David St. David will be appearing at the Watson Rd. Borders (next to the cafe) this Saturday evening from 8 - 11 p.m to read selected blog entries, sign autographs and answer questions. Nat Trib t-shirts will be available for $15.

2010 Pro Bowl Most-watched in 10 Years

Over 7,000 viewers tune-in nationwide

"The most eagerly anticipated sporting event since the finals of the 1974 Superstars competition" - Kent Bayland, VP, ESPN

Paid advertisement

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Wanted: 18-21 yr-old bikini model for part of "much younger girlfriend" in hair loss ad. Must be convincing as a nubile nymph who adores men w/ bad rugs/weaves. Should be comfortable appearing in various states of undress. Ability to fake post-coital afterglow a plus. To inquire, dial Nat Trib extension #2839

Celebs Help J. Crew "Re-Introduce" The Turtleneck

Men about town - Actor Gary Busey and movie producer Robert Evans are expected to feature prominently in 2010 ad campaign for J. Crew casual wear - Page 5D