Creve Coeur Mayor Decries Influx of "South County Hoosier Trash"

Page 3B.

"Let's not play games here. Everyone knows damn well what I'm talking about so spare me the phony indignation. Drive south on 270, past 44 and take a look around. Those are the people I'm talking about. The crowd that's all about vacationing in the Ozarks with their Jay Feather campers and noisy-ass jet-skis. Hard-core Cardinal fans that play beer-ball every Wednesday night and have sworn off Anheuser-Busch products forever. The whole "Hell Yeah" contingent. We just had some guy thrown out of Bristol's last week for asking the maitre d' 'Where's your shitter?' These yokels are scaring away the retired WASPs and Jewish widows that are indigenous to this area. It's hurting our image and our revenues. If they're going to migrate north they should keep going - past Creve Coeur - all the way on up to St. Charles. It sounds bad, but they'll be happier living with their own kind." - Creve Coeur mayor Phillip Taylor

Oily Buildup on Janeane Garofalo's Face Called Threat to the Environment

Could devastate birds and other wildlife if not contained.
Page 2A.

Nation Braces for "Blood" Installment of "More to Love"

Producer Mike Fleiss: "I don't want to reveal too much but, yes, the elimination ceremony at the end of next week's show will feature trap doors, a forklift and several buckets of pig's blood. If you enjoyed the anguish and humiliation suffered by the last round of rejects, you're in for a real treat." Page 7C

Saturday Night Retro Party - Vol. 2 - TV Promos and Bumpers from the 70s!!!

Back by popular request, it's Nat Trib Fan favorite "Saturday Night Retro Party"!

First up, it's a preview of the crap NBC was promising viewers for Fall of '78. Hits like "Waverly Wonders", "Who's Watching the Kids" and "Grandpa Goes to Washington".



Next we have ABC's Movie of the Week, starring William Shatner, post Star Trek, pre TJ Hooker...


And for those who wanted to start watching a movie at 10:30 p.m. on a work/school night...

Kirkwood Man Languishes in Broadcast TV Hell after Cancelling Cable

Sunday afternoon options: Women's Golf (KSDK), Paid Programming (KMOV), "On Deadly Ground" (FOX2)


"Yeah, I'm saving $60 a month...and flipping between 3 fucking channels. The entire circuit takes less than 10 seconds. Nothingness followed by more nothingness. And "On Deadly Ground"? Seriously? It's Steven Segall in Alaska, circa 1994. Edited for television. With nine 10-minute-long commercial breaks it becomes a 3 hour ordeal. FOX or KTVI or whatever they call themselves apparently have an entire library full of this shit. Last Sunday it was a 3 hour version of "Bird on a Wire". The week before that it was "Rough Cut" with Burt Reynolds. It's enough to make you want to pick up a book." - Ken Anderson of Kirkwood

Sasquatch Sighted in Pacific Northwest

Hoax...or the real McCoy?

The single, grainy photograph taken by a camper near Condon, Oregon last Saturday. Kevin Herbst of Monroe, WA says the creature gorged itself on a goat and made threatening movements before disappearing into the forest.

"It's doubtful we'll ever know what this actually was. It's possible we're looking at a heretofore undiscovered genus of bipedal primate; a "sasquatch" or "yeti" if you will. Then again, it might just be some guy in a Kirstie Alley suit. It's anyone's guess." - Olivia Burwell, anthropolgist and forensic scientist, University of Oregon

CBS Defies Saturday Morning Conventions with Gritty, Groundbreaking "Beaver Cleaver"

Critic's Pick

All grown up: A wheelchair-bound Beaver (Jan Michael Vincent) and his sadistic, murderous brother Wally (Mickey Rourke) operate a brothel in present day Reno, NV.
Beaver Cleaver airs Saturdays, 9:00 a.m. on KMOV.